Mahal kita

Q: What is attractive to me?
A: Decent (’baik’) looking people, of course!

But why?

Reason 1: They look good and presentable.

They are ‘just nice’, not ‘too much’, not ‘too little’. They know that dressing and grooming is but an unwritten requirement of living within a society. For example, in public, one cannot walk around naked, or one should not look or smell as if one has not washed oneself for days, hence one should dress and groom oneself as necessary.

When people underdress or undergroom, it would be plainly evident that they would look neither good nor presentable. However, the opposite situation is not much different: when people overgroom and overdress, some look desperately vain, or even outright loathsome. Looking good and presentable, henceforth, is inclusively about appearing civilised and keeping within societal standards of decency and normalcy.

And this is the most basic criteria upon which I judge a person’s attractiveness. That is to say, he or she has to minimally look good and presentable, or otherwise, there is absolutely no chance that I may find him or her attractive at all.

Reason 2: They are not showy.

Compounded with Reason 1, this is to say, they look good, presentable, AND without being excessive or ostentatious.

The keyword here is ‘decent’. Of course, what is ‘decent’ is subjective, and I have not defined the perimeters of what is to be considered ‘decent’. Let’s take ‘decent’ to mean ‘moderate’ and ‘adequate’.

Outward un-showy-ness, to me, reflects the inner character of the person, and I love, and am attracted to, people with humble dispositions.

Reason 3: They got their priorities right.

People who are excessively (as opposed to decently) dressed and groomed often spend much resources and time to appear the way they do. Think about the clothes, jewellery, perfumes, make up, hairdo… and the time and resources spent to obtain them.

People who groom and dress decently (as opposed to excessively) know to spend just the right amount of time and resources on such outward concerns, hence freeing up time and resources that can be used on more important things, like personal development and helping others.

What they have is a clear understanding of their placement in the world, and they give due priority to what is more required of them in life, personal or societal.

This clarity of mind, I like.

Reason 4: They have a sense of individuality.

It is typical of excessively groomed and dressed people that they follow what is popular and sensational.

Take for example, David Beckham’s punk-like hairstyle once upon a time ago; it attracted a group of followers who, in my opinion, overgroomed themselves to look like their idolised football player.

And we are not limited to hairstyles; accessories worn and popularised by celebrities, like shades or handbags, become objects of overgrooming and overdressing, as people spend extra just to imitate the likes of a particular movie star or singer.

What signs are these, if not of waning individuality and aimless mimicry?

People who dress and groom decently know that dressing and grooming is a matter of practicality and function. They do not dress and groom so as to be associated with anyone else, they simply dress and groom as they need to. They know that their image of self is more deeply entrenched in how they carry themselves, and much less in what they put on their bodies.

But even when they do pay the necessary attention on what they put on their bodies, it is likely that they do not wish to be, or to see themselves as, associated with anyone else.

And that, I find, is incredibly attractive.

Reason 5: They feel good about their selves.

Above getting oneself neat and presentable, how much more should one do for one’s appearance? Some go to the extent of patching up blemishes, enhancing bodily colours, or even putting on an artificial tan.

But the decently groomed and dressed recognise that such ‘concealments’ are far from necessary and would add little value to their selves. They accept and are grateful for the natural state of their selves, and proceed with life without worrying about their mere appearances. Their confidence does not chiefly come from how they look, but how they feel about themselves — that is to say, it comes from within.

And any person with such confidence never fails to inspire in me adoration.