Mahal kita

Firstly, some definitions.

ORD = Operationally Ready Date.

Coloquially used as a verb i.e. “to ORD”, “have ORDed”, “ORDing”, meaning, to end the 2-year term of full-time service to the country.

The feeling has never been as overwhelming as just now, when I was clearing out my locker.

It was just so symbolic. Today was the day after my last overnight duty in camp, and I had just returned my M.O.P., and packed everything I needed to bring back home.

There seemed to be a voice telling me:

You are free now. I mean, really. H.O.T.O. done. No more duties. Go, Hirman, go. What are you waiting for?

I said a loud goodbye before I left the office. The funny thing was, the person who was most affected by my ‘departure’ was Syed, the ambulance driver for today. I found that really fascinating. He wished me well and I reciprocated, and we even hugged. We exchanged mobile numbers just before I left.

As I left, he said:

Bye, bro. When you go, don’t ever turn back, okay?

Good God, this guy was so happy for me, perhaps even happier than I actually was, at that moment. It was like telling me, “Now you know who your real buddies are.”

The medics had already gone for lunch. Would I see them, or would I not? My bag was weighing quite heavily on my back. I felt tired, walking the distance to the gate.

I walked past the cookhouse. There they were. Nathanael was first to wave at me, then followed by some of the rest. I waved back. It felt like really different, as if this time, it was to say more than just “goodbye”.

When I walked out of the gate, it was as if I was free from prison or something, determined never to come back again. (But I am, on two days, first to see The Grandfather, second to collect my NRIC, on ORD itself.)

So that was my experience on ‘clearing day’. People have been thinking that had started clearing a long time ago, and that is partly because I made them think so. Yes, I was consuming my offs and leaves, but I had to come back on some days to do work (overnight duties, at that!) — that is not ‘clearing’.

Say with me now:

“That is not ‘clearing’.” (”You’re still doing duty.”)

No! Say it the way Marlon Brando said:

“That is not justice.” (”Your daughter’s still alive.”)

Yeah, that’s the way.

So now, I am finally ‘clearing’. That is, clear of duties and responsibilities.

Only now I appreciate the true meaning of ‘clearing’.