Mahal kita

When I was on my way home this evening, my iPod, on shuffle mode, played songs that coincided with my mood:

• Rufus Wainwright - Across the Universe
• Travis - Closer
• Alamo Race Track - Life Like Fire
• Third Eye Blind - I Want You
• Ryan Adams - Wonderwall
• Lisa Ono - Besame Mucho
• Oasis - Don’t Go Away

Closer:

Keep waking up (waking up)
Without you here (without you here)
Another day (another day)
Another year (another year)
I seek the truth (seek the truth)
We set apart (we set apart)
Thinking of
A second chance (a second chance)

And when I see you then I know it will be next to me
And when I need you then I know you will be there with me
I’ll never leave you

Just need to get closer, closer
Lean on me now
Lean on me now
Closer, closer
Lean on me now
Lean on me now
Lean on me now

Bésame Mucho:

Bésame, bésame mucho
Como si fuera esta noche
La última vez

(Kiss me, kiss me a lot,
As if tonight was
the last time.)

Bésame, bésame mucho
Que tengo miedo a perderte
Perderte después

(Kiss me, kiss me a lot,
Because I fear to lose you,
To lose you later on.)

Isn’t it beautiful? Can you even begin to imagine how lovers would kiss, if they knew it were their last time?

Which reminds me, that Death is real. That for my every action, it might well be my last one. Beyond Death, the irrelevant loses all meaning; and only a few things will absolutely matter.

I think the chest pain that I have been having of late are God’s personal reminder to me of the ephemerality of present Life, and that my time will come anytime, and possibly when I least expect it. Because of this, I have lately been fearful, and ever watchful of myself. The more I exert myself, physically and emotionally, the more the pain seems to come. At those moments, I realize that I am so helpless, and I should really surrender my fate.

I ask that God does not take away my life in my moments of weakness. I ask God to forgive my sins, and to guide me into the Straight Path, and to guide me in realizing my True intentions. For He whom God guides, none can lead astray; and He whom God leads astray, none can help to return to the Straight Path.